Now that you have your end goal of finding Mr. Right and have put on paper who he is, its time to put yourself in the position to find him. Just as we talked about in the beginning, you wouldn’t sit back and wait for Company XYZ to contact you if you wanted a new job, you would have to go look for the job. You can not sit at home and expect Mr. Right to magically call you as a wrong number and live happily ever after. If you want something you have to put yourself in the position to get it. Every time you put yourself out there you are increasing your odds of finding Mr. Right.
Now where are you going to look?
I swear I push dating sites like they actually pay me! I’ve dated through a few sites before and had a great experience. For me, I didn’t find my Mr. Right that way; I was actually set up through a friend of a friend. However, I had a lot of fun dates, it helped me narrow down even more what qualities I really needed and really didn’t want, and I think it helped calm my nerves on my first date with Mr. Right. By the time I found Mr. Right I had been on a lot of first dates, was comfortable with the first date, and definitely gave a better first impression than I think I normally would. I fit into the shy at first category, so being comfortable on an awkward first date setting was key!
I do have several friends who have long term relationships that have developed out of internet dating sites. It may or may not be the end of looking for you, but a healthy way to look at it is that its helping you narrow down your real “need” and “can’t stand” qualities while getting you more and more comfortable in a first date setting. Thinking that way will take the pressure off. Then if you meet him you meet him, and if not there are tons of other ways and places to look too. The important part is not getting discouraged by one bad date and being able to keep your goal in mind and continuing to go after it.
I feel the need to put in a disclaimer to please be smart when going on a date with someone you’ve never met. Only agree to meet in a public place and make sure you have a friend that knows where you are supposed to be.
Do something new with a new group of people. Sign up for salsa classes, go to a rock wall gym, join some group that interests you, etc. One of the biggest obstacles can be expanding your network of friends and therefore the friends of friends and guys available to you. I personally enjoy having a small group of close friends over a large group of not as close friends, but expanding your horizon never hurts. Think of some things that interest you and then go find a group that does it. If you’ve never visited the site MeetUp.com, check it out. It is a site dedicated to locals trying to find other locals that are interested in the same groups. If you run you can find a running group, if you like to practice speaking in another language or playing chess, you can probably find a group in your area for those things too. May it be something you already do on your own or something new you’d like to try, mix it up. Even if Mr. Right doesn’t happen to be in your new group, maybe you’ll meet a new friend that introduces you to him later.
This one, for me, is the hardest! Ever notice the smaller group you are with the more likely a guy is to approach? Put yourself in the guy’s shoes. Would you be more comfortable going up to a guy who is standing with 6 of his buddies or approaching a guy who is standing by himself? Yeah, me too, I don’t want the other 6 guys listening to me try to say something smart to the one I’ve got my eye on. The potential for embarrassment just increases with the number of people around him. If it’s something you are comfortable with – go by yourself. Go eat dinner at the bar area of a restaurant and bring a book or watch the game that’s playing, go rock wall climbing by yourself; I’m sure you can think of a lot of other situations where this could possibly work for you. The goal is to be approachable and the less friends you have surrounding you the more likely the guy that wants to come up to you will muster up the courage to approach.
Ok this last one, you may roll your eyes at me, but don’t shoot the messenger! I can be quite the nerd and, in working for myself, I end up reading a lot of marketing books. In Dan Ariely’s book called “Predictably Irrational” Dan describes how people’s decision making processes actually work.
First, let’s start with, what is the one thing that gets a guy to initially approach you? (Yes, we both know you are witty and fabulous, but he doesn’t know that yet.) Like it or not – it’s looks. Don’t get mad- it’s the same way you do your initial shopping! Now, why does he pick you instead of your friend next to you to approach? Right, he finds you more attractive. Based on the way humans make choices on these types of things, Dan found we can actually play with the decision making process.
Have you ever noticed when a group of guys walk into the room you quickly compare them all and decide which one is most attractive? We compare them by rating similar features and deciding which one is better. The more similar the features the easier we are able to compare and decide which one is better. Kind of like how it is easier to say one orange is better than another orange, but its hard to say if an orange is better than a stapler. They are two vastly different things which make it hard for us to compare them. Just like it’s hard to say if the hot blonde is more attractive than the hot brunette. They are both very attractive but just very different. HOWEVER if we have two blond women, about the same stature, similar builds, its easier to key in on features and make a decision on “which one is more attractive”. That was a long explanation just to say take one friend out with you that looks just like you but not quite as attractive. By being compared to someone that looks like you but not quite as attractive it actually makes you look MORE attractive. …I hope you’re laughing, because this was a real study, but it’s pretty funny how the human brain works! Oh, and you may not want to tell your girlfriend that’s why you wanted her to come.
Part III will be coming next week!
Never forget everything you deserve in life. Click here to purchase Hear my Heels bracelets to remember to keep going towards something better. Please forward this information to all the women you care about.
If you would like to ask our Man-Pinion Men a question please email it to us at: hearmyheels@gmail.com
Hear my Heels ~ The sound of you walking away, smiling, towards something better.
20% of profits are donated to domestic abuse charities.
Copyright 2009 Molly Pennington All rights reserved
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right Now - Part I
Still dating Mr. Right Now’s and Not Mr. Right?
Part I
I don’t have a specific philosophy on what it takes to find that one true love but what I do have are GOALS. Remember those? Those things you are supposed to be using for all the other aspects of life?
I’m sure a lot of people disagree on this. I have a great number of friends that believe “the one” is going to somehow fall into their lap one day just as he’s supposed to. What if we used that philosophy in other parts of our lives?
Say I’m ready for and want a new job. Instead of writing goals, making a game plan, and sending out resumes I sit at home and hope and wish and pray that this great new job will find me. Magically, some recruiter will just call me and offer me exactly what I’m looking for. Sounds silly right?
If I wouldn’t take that approach to finding a new job, and would have a more serious plan and put some work into it, why should the search for Mr. Right be any different? There are tons and tons of studies showing that people who right down their goals are much more likely to achieve them. There is no reason why you can’t treat Mr. Right like a goal either. It may even help you avoid continuing to date a whole group of Mr. Right Now’s if you are able to sit down and write what it is you actually need and what you will not tolerate in a mate. Now I’m not suggesting you sit and write: I want to be married in two years, I want a husband and kid in three years, etc. Those are things that are out of your control as they depend on TWO people making a decision together. Let’s focus on what you can control: your needs, wants, what you will and won’t tolerate, and how you are going to put yourself out there to meet the kind of men you need.
Let’s start with a “Must Have” and “Must Not Have” list. Lets keep this list to lifestyle and personality traits and leave unnecessary vanity at the door for now. If something is super important to you (ex. I work out most days of the week and have on my list that he must work out too. I’m not writing this for vanity, but it’s my lifestyle and I want my match to have a similar lifestyle.) go ahead and include it, but I don’t want to see “6’ 4”, tan, blonde hair, etc. on your list. Keep in mind that Mr. Average-Looking probably has a much better personality and is going to try harder to make you happier because, unlike, Mr. Hottie-with-a-body, has had to get by on personality and not looks.
I’ve included my personal lists here for an example:
My Necessity List
1. Monogamous
2. Wants children
3. Makes me his best friend
4. Strong work ethic: The guy that works hard generally is the same guy that will work hard on the relationship too.
5. Sense of humor: Must have a good sense of humor, and more importantly get mine
6. Sweet to me, but not afraid to stand up to me either
7. Works out: Doesn’t need to have the perfect body, just needs to have an interest in staying in shape and living a long healthy life
8. Protector: I won’t say a certain height or body type, but needs to be big and strong enough to make me feel protected.
9. Out going: I simply am not and more comfortable when my other half is.
10. Fun loving: pushes me to be more adventurous/relaxed about life
11. Puts me first
12. Complements me
13. Romantic
14. Is impressed/ proud of my accomplishments
15. Treats friends and family well
16. Decisive: Knows what he wants and go after it.
17. Independent: Better not be living off of mom and dad or looking for hand outs
18. Partner: not two individuals living under one roof
My Run For It List
1. Over use of drugs or alcohol
2. Puts me down in any way
3. Makes fun of any of my accomplishments
4. Makes me feel bad about mistakes I’ve made in the past
5. Over jealous
6. No direction in life (little boy syndrome)
7. Does not consider my opinions as important as his
8. Treats friends or family bad
9. Poor spending habits
10. Lack of similar morals
11. Cheats on me ever
12. Lying
13. Inattentive in public
14. Smokes
15. Racist
16. Sexist
17. Workaholic
18. Pushes me to do anything sexually or deviant that I’m not comfortable with.
In making the “Necessity List” I truly do believe I NEED those 18 things because of my own personal lifestyle, likes and dislikes, and I know how I want to live my life. I also believe if I have a man that meets those 18 requirements, the rest of the relationship will naturally fall into place because things not on that list are items I’m willing to compromise on. Be careful with things like “He must be Catholic”. Must he really be Catholic, or is it just important to you that he will raise your kids Catholic, support your religion, go to your church, etc. Make sure you are getting to the root of your need and not just hitting a surface quality.
For me, my “run for it” list includes everything I view as a red flag item. If someone I’m on a date with or dating shows any of these behaviors or traits I “run for it”. Maybe not the best way to break it off with someone…but their number is most likely out of my phone immediately. No matter how much I like the man, if he can’t meet my “necessity” list, or does anything on the “run for it” list, I’m wasting my time with Mr. Right-Now again and could be spending my time better looking for Mr. Right. I always try to remember I only get one life on this earth, and I’m sure not wasting a second more of it on any Mr. Right-Now. I’ll take single or Mr. Right, but I’m done with people that can’t make me happy long term.
Once you create your list, don’t be afraid to hang it on your bathroom mirror, or somewhere where you can look at it frequently. It should be something you come back and review, make sure you are staying on target for your goal of finding Mr. Right, and not wasting your time with another Mr. Right-Now.
Next week we’ll continue with Part II!
Never forget everything you deserve in life. Click here to purchase Hear my Heels bracelets to remember to keep going towards something better. Please forward this information to all the women you care about.
Hear my Heels ~ The sound of you walking away, smiling, towards something better.
20% of profits are donated to domestic abuse charities.
Copyright 2009 Molly Pennington All rights reserved
Part I
I don’t have a specific philosophy on what it takes to find that one true love but what I do have are GOALS. Remember those? Those things you are supposed to be using for all the other aspects of life?
I’m sure a lot of people disagree on this. I have a great number of friends that believe “the one” is going to somehow fall into their lap one day just as he’s supposed to. What if we used that philosophy in other parts of our lives?
Say I’m ready for and want a new job. Instead of writing goals, making a game plan, and sending out resumes I sit at home and hope and wish and pray that this great new job will find me. Magically, some recruiter will just call me and offer me exactly what I’m looking for. Sounds silly right?
If I wouldn’t take that approach to finding a new job, and would have a more serious plan and put some work into it, why should the search for Mr. Right be any different? There are tons and tons of studies showing that people who right down their goals are much more likely to achieve them. There is no reason why you can’t treat Mr. Right like a goal either. It may even help you avoid continuing to date a whole group of Mr. Right Now’s if you are able to sit down and write what it is you actually need and what you will not tolerate in a mate. Now I’m not suggesting you sit and write: I want to be married in two years, I want a husband and kid in three years, etc. Those are things that are out of your control as they depend on TWO people making a decision together. Let’s focus on what you can control: your needs, wants, what you will and won’t tolerate, and how you are going to put yourself out there to meet the kind of men you need.
Let’s start with a “Must Have” and “Must Not Have” list. Lets keep this list to lifestyle and personality traits and leave unnecessary vanity at the door for now. If something is super important to you (ex. I work out most days of the week and have on my list that he must work out too. I’m not writing this for vanity, but it’s my lifestyle and I want my match to have a similar lifestyle.) go ahead and include it, but I don’t want to see “6’ 4”, tan, blonde hair, etc. on your list. Keep in mind that Mr. Average-Looking probably has a much better personality and is going to try harder to make you happier because, unlike, Mr. Hottie-with-a-body, has had to get by on personality and not looks.
I’ve included my personal lists here for an example:
My Necessity List
1. Monogamous
2. Wants children
3. Makes me his best friend
4. Strong work ethic: The guy that works hard generally is the same guy that will work hard on the relationship too.
5. Sense of humor: Must have a good sense of humor, and more importantly get mine
6. Sweet to me, but not afraid to stand up to me either
7. Works out: Doesn’t need to have the perfect body, just needs to have an interest in staying in shape and living a long healthy life
8. Protector: I won’t say a certain height or body type, but needs to be big and strong enough to make me feel protected.
9. Out going: I simply am not and more comfortable when my other half is.
10. Fun loving: pushes me to be more adventurous/relaxed about life
11. Puts me first
12. Complements me
13. Romantic
14. Is impressed/ proud of my accomplishments
15. Treats friends and family well
16. Decisive: Knows what he wants and go after it.
17. Independent: Better not be living off of mom and dad or looking for hand outs
18. Partner: not two individuals living under one roof
My Run For It List
1. Over use of drugs or alcohol
2. Puts me down in any way
3. Makes fun of any of my accomplishments
4. Makes me feel bad about mistakes I’ve made in the past
5. Over jealous
6. No direction in life (little boy syndrome)
7. Does not consider my opinions as important as his
8. Treats friends or family bad
9. Poor spending habits
10. Lack of similar morals
11. Cheats on me ever
12. Lying
13. Inattentive in public
14. Smokes
15. Racist
16. Sexist
17. Workaholic
18. Pushes me to do anything sexually or deviant that I’m not comfortable with.
In making the “Necessity List” I truly do believe I NEED those 18 things because of my own personal lifestyle, likes and dislikes, and I know how I want to live my life. I also believe if I have a man that meets those 18 requirements, the rest of the relationship will naturally fall into place because things not on that list are items I’m willing to compromise on. Be careful with things like “He must be Catholic”. Must he really be Catholic, or is it just important to you that he will raise your kids Catholic, support your religion, go to your church, etc. Make sure you are getting to the root of your need and not just hitting a surface quality.
For me, my “run for it” list includes everything I view as a red flag item. If someone I’m on a date with or dating shows any of these behaviors or traits I “run for it”. Maybe not the best way to break it off with someone…but their number is most likely out of my phone immediately. No matter how much I like the man, if he can’t meet my “necessity” list, or does anything on the “run for it” list, I’m wasting my time with Mr. Right-Now again and could be spending my time better looking for Mr. Right. I always try to remember I only get one life on this earth, and I’m sure not wasting a second more of it on any Mr. Right-Now. I’ll take single or Mr. Right, but I’m done with people that can’t make me happy long term.
Once you create your list, don’t be afraid to hang it on your bathroom mirror, or somewhere where you can look at it frequently. It should be something you come back and review, make sure you are staying on target for your goal of finding Mr. Right, and not wasting your time with another Mr. Right-Now.
Next week we’ll continue with Part II!
Never forget everything you deserve in life. Click here to purchase Hear my Heels bracelets to remember to keep going towards something better. Please forward this information to all the women you care about.
Hear my Heels ~ The sound of you walking away, smiling, towards something better.
20% of profits are donated to domestic abuse charities.
Copyright 2009 Molly Pennington All rights reserved
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Man-Pinion: What do women do that have you running for the hills?
Man-pinion question of the week:
What do women do that has you running for the hills?
In our man-pinion section we take a question from our readers and ask it to a group of men who have, so nicely, volunteered their time and experience to us.
Sunny: “Call two or three times a day the next day, after a first date, and act like you’ve known each other for 3 months. Or they try to be involved in every plan you have right away. It would be better for her to state her interest and just put the ball in the guy’s court. When they try to speed up the relationship it’s a real turn off. What I’m looking for is someone who’s confident in themselves so they don’t need to chase after someone. If she knows and acts like she is worth being chased it makes me want to chase her more.”
Derk: “When you are in a relationship and your girlfriend starts talking about marriage or relationship issues that are much more serious than your current state.”
Follow up question from me: “So when can we talk about marriage or other major relationship steps, or do we need to wait for you to come to us?”
Derk: “There’s no certain point those conversations should come up, but it should be part of a casual and comfortable conversation, not out of the blue – like you’ve been waiting to say it and just blurt it out completely off topic.”
John: “When they start talking about things that are much too personal right away. Like they have an eating disorder or why she left her ex boyfriend…in general giving up much too much information right away. It’s much sexier and much more appealing if the woman leaves some mystery in the relationship and lets me ask the questions later on when I’m curious.”
Michael: “I can honestly not say that I have been in many 'first date' scenarios that would fit into this category. However, from a relationship point I do have some input. The biggest 'freak out' that happened to me was having a girl tell me that she loved me just after a couple months of long distance dating. Just about all of the relationship was long distance, therefore we didn't get to spend that much time together and just after a couple months she dropped that on me. My reply was that it was way too early for me to return the feeling. After that things started to go in opposite directions. Dropping the L-bomb early in a relationship shows a level of uncertainty in my eyes, in that the person has not had the chance to base that emotion on experience of time (how one feels during different times of year, during time of stress, etc)”
It’s very interesting to see that all four Man-Pinion Men answered the question with the same kind of input. That we, the women, try in all sorts of ways to speed up the relationship far faster than our men are ready for. May it be a first date where we are talking to the person like an old friend, divulging information that new people in our lives have no business knowing, or while in a relationship, pushing the next “step” faster than they are ready to handle.
Men like to chase. The right man for you will chase you. Have the confidence to know you are worth being chased and let all those other guys Hear your Heels. Keep that confidence on every first date and while in relationships. Have some patience to let your man catch up emotionally. They work at their own pace, and from their comments, when we try to push them to be ready for more it doesn’t work in our favor.
Never forget the way he treats you is what is most important. As long as you have that does it really matter if you say that “I love you” this month or a few months later? Keep your friends, keep your hobbies, keep your life, and let him find you.
Never forget everything you deserve in life. Click here to purchase Hear my Heels bracelets to remember to keep going towards something better. Please forward this information to all the women you care about.
If you would like to ask our Man-Pinion Men a question please email it to us at: hearmyheels@gmail.com
Hear my Heels ~ The sound of you walking away, smiling, towards something better.
20% of profits are donated to domestic abuse charities.
What do women do that has you running for the hills?
In our man-pinion section we take a question from our readers and ask it to a group of men who have, so nicely, volunteered their time and experience to us.
Sunny: “Call two or three times a day the next day, after a first date, and act like you’ve known each other for 3 months. Or they try to be involved in every plan you have right away. It would be better for her to state her interest and just put the ball in the guy’s court. When they try to speed up the relationship it’s a real turn off. What I’m looking for is someone who’s confident in themselves so they don’t need to chase after someone. If she knows and acts like she is worth being chased it makes me want to chase her more.”
Derk: “When you are in a relationship and your girlfriend starts talking about marriage or relationship issues that are much more serious than your current state.”
Follow up question from me: “So when can we talk about marriage or other major relationship steps, or do we need to wait for you to come to us?”
Derk: “There’s no certain point those conversations should come up, but it should be part of a casual and comfortable conversation, not out of the blue – like you’ve been waiting to say it and just blurt it out completely off topic.”
John: “When they start talking about things that are much too personal right away. Like they have an eating disorder or why she left her ex boyfriend…in general giving up much too much information right away. It’s much sexier and much more appealing if the woman leaves some mystery in the relationship and lets me ask the questions later on when I’m curious.”
Michael: “I can honestly not say that I have been in many 'first date' scenarios that would fit into this category. However, from a relationship point I do have some input. The biggest 'freak out' that happened to me was having a girl tell me that she loved me just after a couple months of long distance dating. Just about all of the relationship was long distance, therefore we didn't get to spend that much time together and just after a couple months she dropped that on me. My reply was that it was way too early for me to return the feeling. After that things started to go in opposite directions. Dropping the L-bomb early in a relationship shows a level of uncertainty in my eyes, in that the person has not had the chance to base that emotion on experience of time (how one feels during different times of year, during time of stress, etc)”
It’s very interesting to see that all four Man-Pinion Men answered the question with the same kind of input. That we, the women, try in all sorts of ways to speed up the relationship far faster than our men are ready for. May it be a first date where we are talking to the person like an old friend, divulging information that new people in our lives have no business knowing, or while in a relationship, pushing the next “step” faster than they are ready to handle.
Men like to chase. The right man for you will chase you. Have the confidence to know you are worth being chased and let all those other guys Hear your Heels. Keep that confidence on every first date and while in relationships. Have some patience to let your man catch up emotionally. They work at their own pace, and from their comments, when we try to push them to be ready for more it doesn’t work in our favor.
Never forget the way he treats you is what is most important. As long as you have that does it really matter if you say that “I love you” this month or a few months later? Keep your friends, keep your hobbies, keep your life, and let him find you.
Never forget everything you deserve in life. Click here to purchase Hear my Heels bracelets to remember to keep going towards something better. Please forward this information to all the women you care about.
If you would like to ask our Man-Pinion Men a question please email it to us at: hearmyheels@gmail.com
Hear my Heels ~ The sound of you walking away, smiling, towards something better.
20% of profits are donated to domestic abuse charities.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
25 Tips to a Happier, Healthier You
This week you weighed in to share your advice with other women and here is what you had to say:
1. Sometimes, you eventually realize - that your Mom really did know best
1. Sometimes, you eventually realize - that your Mom really did know best
2. Buy the shoes
3. When it comes to relationships, your partner should be a want... not a need...
4. Learn how to say NO... tactfully but firmly
5. Take care of yourself, physically and mentally - you only get one you
6. Popcorn can be for dinner
7. Listen to your friend's advice... especially about men... they know the real you and they see things you don't
8. Stop worrying about things you can't control or change. It leads to a lot less stress. Pinch yourself every time you find you are worrying about something you can't change or control and you will eventually reduce your stress and you will be happier.
9. Travel before you get married & have children
10. Remember the old saying, "You can either be right, or be happy"... figure out which is more important to you
11. Count your blessings. Always remember... many are worse off than you are.
12. Take a Friday night to yourself, don’t do your hair or makeup, wear your favorite sweats, and watch all the shows you’d never admit to watching.
13. Stop chasing Mr. Hot and give Mr. Nice, Mr. Is-really-into-me and Mr. Genuine a shot
14. Buy a filing cabinet and get all paper off your desk – clutter creates stress.
15. Remember that Girl Scout Cookies are for charity so they don’t count on your calorie plan.
16. Accept the date with the nice guy that just isn’t “quite your type”. You’ve been dating “your type”…how’s that working?
17. Find a workout buddy. The power of someone counting on you to be there may work better than pure self motivation.
18. Don’t buy more than you can afford. Nothing causes stress like debt and nothing will make you madder than a pizza that ends up costing $30 with interest.
19. Eat left over birthday cake for breakfast. It gives you all day to burn it off anyway.
20. Love your single self. If you can’t be happy by yourself a relationship won’t fix that.
21. Give back to your community. Nothing is more rewarding or a better reminder of how good you really have it.
22. Stop competing with your friends. Surround yourself with people you are happy for and people that are supportive of you.
23. Put money away. If you don’t know what you are doing talk to a financial planner. Never forget you have to plan NOW to retire later.
24. An “I love you” won’t fix a bad boyfriend, an engagement won’t fix a broken boyfriend, a marriage won’t heal a cheating fiancé, and kids won’t make a broken marriage better. Vows aren’t band aids. Date the man and marry the man, and only the man, that treats you amazingly well.
25. Learn when to let people Hear your Heels – if they aren’t worthy of your time go find someone who is.
Never forget that your life is your choice. Only you get to decide what you will and will not tolerate. Click here to purchase Hear my Heels bracelets to remember to keep going towards the life you deserve. Please forward this information to all the women you care about.
20% of profits go to domestic abuse charities.
Never forget that your life is your choice. Only you get to decide what you will and will not tolerate. Click here to purchase Hear my Heels bracelets to remember to keep going towards the life you deserve. Please forward this information to all the women you care about.
20% of profits go to domestic abuse charities.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
You can Keep your Good-ole-boy Card…Being Young and Female in the Workplace Rocks!
I know when I graduated college and entered the workforce I felt out of place. I started working for very large corporation and was surrounded by people that had children my age or close to it. Being the new kid on the block is never easy. It’s always a series of proving yourself, proving you deserve to be there, and proving your value without stepping on the toes of those that have been doing, what you are new to, for many many years.
Respect in a mostly 50 year old man work environment did not come easily. For the first year I was really put off by the fact that I was never going to be part of the good-ole-boys club no matter what I did. I was half their age in many cases, female, and a little blond stigma to top it off.
How could I fit in this world? The answer was I couldn’t. No matter what I did I would never be like them. These men had the 50 year old man card. They were golfing buddies, they had similar lifestyles, they were married, and had children. Not to mention the simple fact that they were men or their years of experience.
However, I had something even more powerful. The 23 year old female card. I just had to learn how to use it. As soon as I changed my perception of how I could get done what I needed to get done, work became a much happier place for me. Maybe I couldn’t look someone dead in the eye, put the fear of God into them, and say “get it done” with any authority, but ever notice how far a smile and a “could you please help me” can get you as a woman?
I had to learn to talk and act in a way that these good-ole-boys would be receptive to. I don’t think it’s sexist. I think men and women are just different on some levels and it’s about learning how to communicate so the other sex will hear you best. It’s just good sales tactics. I could use sex and ego appeal.
I know a lot of you are rolling your eyes at me right now. I’m not talking about wearing a cleavage shirt to work, short skirts or anything of the sort. I’m just talking about some different sales approaches. What 50 year old man wants a 23 year old woman telling him how it should get done? I learned two different approaches to keep everyone happy.
One of the best sales tactics is convincing the other party that the idea on the table is their idea. This worked amazing in my situation. Instead of presenting a solution, I could present facts that would lead to one sole solution and ask questions to lead others into my conclusion. I used their ego against them in a way. They felt better about the solution when they felt they helped to come up with it. Sometimes I have a hard time not giggling when I’m able to get this to work, because once you figure out how to do this, it generally works all the time. It fixed my issue of being 23, blond, and not “old enough” to have people want to pay attention to my solutions.
The second tactic was learning how to smile, ask questions, and ask for help. I had to stop being stubborn and use my cards! I could command the attention of these good-old-boys by owning the cards I had to play instead of fighting them. I’ve found in my career I can get meetings with people higher up the food chain than I’d normally meet with, have them be my mentors, get them in my corner, and have them back me in presenting whatever solution I believed was best. Your smile and an APPROPRIATE ounce of flirting can get you pretty far in life and in the work place. It can be a great card and pretty comical to watch work.
The biggest step is to stop looking at everything as sexist. Life is a series of first impressions. Own who you are and whatever cards you think you have to play. I bet you will find they are pretty great cards. Once you learn to treat your work like the sales pitch it is, tailor it to your skill set and, most importantly, tailor it to who your audience is, the sky’s the limit.
If some of this scenario plays true for you, if you are younger than your colleagues, or a minority as a female, etc., try picking up a book about selling as a woman or one that features the differences between how men and women think. We have some really great cards in our hands. We just have to remember we can’t always follow the example in front of us. A man selling to a man can be a very different pitch than a woman selling to a man or vice versa. Learning how you can sell yourself and ideas best, will be one of the most rewarding things you can do for yourself.
Never forget that your life is your choice. Only you get to decide what you will and will not tolerate. Click here to purchase Hear my Heels bracelets to remember to keep going towards the life you deserve. Please forward this information to all the women you care about.
20% of profits will go to domestic abuse charities.
Respect in a mostly 50 year old man work environment did not come easily. For the first year I was really put off by the fact that I was never going to be part of the good-ole-boys club no matter what I did. I was half their age in many cases, female, and a little blond stigma to top it off.
How could I fit in this world? The answer was I couldn’t. No matter what I did I would never be like them. These men had the 50 year old man card. They were golfing buddies, they had similar lifestyles, they were married, and had children. Not to mention the simple fact that they were men or their years of experience.
However, I had something even more powerful. The 23 year old female card. I just had to learn how to use it. As soon as I changed my perception of how I could get done what I needed to get done, work became a much happier place for me. Maybe I couldn’t look someone dead in the eye, put the fear of God into them, and say “get it done” with any authority, but ever notice how far a smile and a “could you please help me” can get you as a woman?
I had to learn to talk and act in a way that these good-ole-boys would be receptive to. I don’t think it’s sexist. I think men and women are just different on some levels and it’s about learning how to communicate so the other sex will hear you best. It’s just good sales tactics. I could use sex and ego appeal.
I know a lot of you are rolling your eyes at me right now. I’m not talking about wearing a cleavage shirt to work, short skirts or anything of the sort. I’m just talking about some different sales approaches. What 50 year old man wants a 23 year old woman telling him how it should get done? I learned two different approaches to keep everyone happy.
One of the best sales tactics is convincing the other party that the idea on the table is their idea. This worked amazing in my situation. Instead of presenting a solution, I could present facts that would lead to one sole solution and ask questions to lead others into my conclusion. I used their ego against them in a way. They felt better about the solution when they felt they helped to come up with it. Sometimes I have a hard time not giggling when I’m able to get this to work, because once you figure out how to do this, it generally works all the time. It fixed my issue of being 23, blond, and not “old enough” to have people want to pay attention to my solutions.
The second tactic was learning how to smile, ask questions, and ask for help. I had to stop being stubborn and use my cards! I could command the attention of these good-old-boys by owning the cards I had to play instead of fighting them. I’ve found in my career I can get meetings with people higher up the food chain than I’d normally meet with, have them be my mentors, get them in my corner, and have them back me in presenting whatever solution I believed was best. Your smile and an APPROPRIATE ounce of flirting can get you pretty far in life and in the work place. It can be a great card and pretty comical to watch work.
The biggest step is to stop looking at everything as sexist. Life is a series of first impressions. Own who you are and whatever cards you think you have to play. I bet you will find they are pretty great cards. Once you learn to treat your work like the sales pitch it is, tailor it to your skill set and, most importantly, tailor it to who your audience is, the sky’s the limit.
If some of this scenario plays true for you, if you are younger than your colleagues, or a minority as a female, etc., try picking up a book about selling as a woman or one that features the differences between how men and women think. We have some really great cards in our hands. We just have to remember we can’t always follow the example in front of us. A man selling to a man can be a very different pitch than a woman selling to a man or vice versa. Learning how you can sell yourself and ideas best, will be one of the most rewarding things you can do for yourself.
Never forget that your life is your choice. Only you get to decide what you will and will not tolerate. Click here to purchase Hear my Heels bracelets to remember to keep going towards the life you deserve. Please forward this information to all the women you care about.
20% of profits will go to domestic abuse charities.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Going Out Without Letting Out…Your Pants
Cute dresses are great, but not when you are wearing one because those tight jeans don’t fit anymore. From calorie filled margaritas to that 2 am chili dog you just can’t resist, here are some tips for going out and having a good time without packing on the pounds.
Now we all know if we didn’t go out on the town, took a 5 mile run, had salad, lean meat, and a glass of water instead we’d all be better off. That’s not the goal here. The goal is to give you some tools to have a fun night out and still be friends with your bathroom scale in the morning.
First things first, eat before you go. If you had a salad at 5 pm and plan on going out until the early morning hours, how likely do you think it is you will be able to avoid the 2 am chili dog? Yeah, no point in salad if you are just going to eat that right before bed! The general rule is to not eat for three hrs before bed time, so there’s nothing wrong with having a little later than normal dinner or a snack before you leave. It will help you avoid the chili dog and absorb some of what you may or may not be drinking later!
What are you typically drinking when you go out? Here are some calorie facts for the 5 WORST drinks you can have:
1. Margarita in a pint glass -550 calories
2. Mudslide - 417 calories
3. Long Island Ice Tea - 380 calories
4. White Russian - 320 calories
5. Piña Colada- 293 calories
Remember that 290 calorie microwave meal you had for lunch? These drinks are like having another meal during the day! After having breakfast, lunch, and dinner, would you ever make a full meal at 11:30 at night? Probably not. So just think about it – three margaritas = three extra meals for the day. Let’s stay away from these and find some better alternatives!
Here are the 5 best drinks you can have (calorie for calorie):
1. Rum and Diet Coke - 65 calories
Tip: Use diet sodas as mixers, such as gin and diet tonic, diet 7Up and Seagrams 7, diet ginger ale and Jack Daniels, and so on.
2. Vodka and Soda - 65 calories
Tip: Try this with flavored vodka, such as raspberry, vanilla, or mandarin.
3. White Wine Spritzer (4 oz. white wine topped with club soda) - 80 calories
4. Bloody Mary - 90 calories
5. Light Beer - 100 calories
There are a lot of different varieties you can play with in the vodka, rum, gin, and Jack categories. On the “tip” above you will notice the term “diet”. Using regular sodas and seltzers can add up to 300 calories per drink. Also try drinking white or red wine where you at least get the health benefit (between 70 and 100 calories depending on the chart). Just keep in mind the difference between three rum and diets @ 195 calories vs. three margaritas @ 1,650 calories! Your favorite fitting jeans will thank you later! Also, try having a glass of water after every drink. This will not only keep you hydrated and feeling better later, but keep you full.
If you must take shots remember that clear usually has the least amount of sugar and therefore the least amount of calories. In general, the sweeter the mixer, the more calories you are adding. (refer back to that alternating with water thing)
Remember while you are out to get off that bar stool and dance. Dancing burns 306 calories/hr on average. Dance for an hour of your evening and you have more than burned off those 195 calories from the three rum and diets!
Now on to that chili dog… I fully realize you probably did not eat your late, yet healthy dinner before you left to tide you over for the evening. I also fully realize that at 2am the effects of your night’s refreshments are impairing your food judgment, and I’m also guessing you did not alternate drinks with water. (I personally don’t remember ever having cheese fries in day light hours...) There are so many ways to cut down on the calories you are about to inhale though.
I always like to jokingly say “sharing is caring”, but whatever you are about to put in your mouth, sharing with a friend will instantly cut the calories in half. Going for Mexican? Have a soft shelled taco WITH OUT the sour cream. Drive through? What about a grilled chicken snack wrap or McDonalds low fat ice cream cones. No matter where you wind up I’m sure, if you take a moment to think, you can find a way to easily cut down either the size or substance of what you are about to eat. And if you can handle the smell of fried food without gobbling it down, try some nice, refreshing, good for you, and FREE, W-A-T-E-R. Lets face it…it’s 2am and you could use a few glasses anyway.
Be safe. Be smart. Wake up the next day less likely to have a hangover.
Never forget that your life is your choice. Only you get to decide what you will and will not tolerate. Click here to purchase Hear my Heels bracelets to remember to keep going towards the life you deserve. Please forward this information to all the women you care about.
20% of profits will go to domestic abuse charities.
Now we all know if we didn’t go out on the town, took a 5 mile run, had salad, lean meat, and a glass of water instead we’d all be better off. That’s not the goal here. The goal is to give you some tools to have a fun night out and still be friends with your bathroom scale in the morning.
First things first, eat before you go. If you had a salad at 5 pm and plan on going out until the early morning hours, how likely do you think it is you will be able to avoid the 2 am chili dog? Yeah, no point in salad if you are just going to eat that right before bed! The general rule is to not eat for three hrs before bed time, so there’s nothing wrong with having a little later than normal dinner or a snack before you leave. It will help you avoid the chili dog and absorb some of what you may or may not be drinking later!
What are you typically drinking when you go out? Here are some calorie facts for the 5 WORST drinks you can have:
1. Margarita in a pint glass -550 calories
2. Mudslide - 417 calories
3. Long Island Ice Tea - 380 calories
4. White Russian - 320 calories
5. Piña Colada- 293 calories
Remember that 290 calorie microwave meal you had for lunch? These drinks are like having another meal during the day! After having breakfast, lunch, and dinner, would you ever make a full meal at 11:30 at night? Probably not. So just think about it – three margaritas = three extra meals for the day. Let’s stay away from these and find some better alternatives!
Here are the 5 best drinks you can have (calorie for calorie):
1. Rum and Diet Coke - 65 calories
Tip: Use diet sodas as mixers, such as gin and diet tonic, diet 7Up and Seagrams 7, diet ginger ale and Jack Daniels, and so on.
2. Vodka and Soda - 65 calories
Tip: Try this with flavored vodka, such as raspberry, vanilla, or mandarin.
3. White Wine Spritzer (4 oz. white wine topped with club soda) - 80 calories
4. Bloody Mary - 90 calories
5. Light Beer - 100 calories
There are a lot of different varieties you can play with in the vodka, rum, gin, and Jack categories. On the “tip” above you will notice the term “diet”. Using regular sodas and seltzers can add up to 300 calories per drink. Also try drinking white or red wine where you at least get the health benefit (between 70 and 100 calories depending on the chart). Just keep in mind the difference between three rum and diets @ 195 calories vs. three margaritas @ 1,650 calories! Your favorite fitting jeans will thank you later! Also, try having a glass of water after every drink. This will not only keep you hydrated and feeling better later, but keep you full.
If you must take shots remember that clear usually has the least amount of sugar and therefore the least amount of calories. In general, the sweeter the mixer, the more calories you are adding. (refer back to that alternating with water thing)
Remember while you are out to get off that bar stool and dance. Dancing burns 306 calories/hr on average. Dance for an hour of your evening and you have more than burned off those 195 calories from the three rum and diets!
Now on to that chili dog… I fully realize you probably did not eat your late, yet healthy dinner before you left to tide you over for the evening. I also fully realize that at 2am the effects of your night’s refreshments are impairing your food judgment, and I’m also guessing you did not alternate drinks with water. (I personally don’t remember ever having cheese fries in day light hours...) There are so many ways to cut down on the calories you are about to inhale though.
I always like to jokingly say “sharing is caring”, but whatever you are about to put in your mouth, sharing with a friend will instantly cut the calories in half. Going for Mexican? Have a soft shelled taco WITH OUT the sour cream. Drive through? What about a grilled chicken snack wrap or McDonalds low fat ice cream cones. No matter where you wind up I’m sure, if you take a moment to think, you can find a way to easily cut down either the size or substance of what you are about to eat. And if you can handle the smell of fried food without gobbling it down, try some nice, refreshing, good for you, and FREE, W-A-T-E-R. Lets face it…it’s 2am and you could use a few glasses anyway.
Be safe. Be smart. Wake up the next day less likely to have a hangover.
Never forget that your life is your choice. Only you get to decide what you will and will not tolerate. Click here to purchase Hear my Heels bracelets to remember to keep going towards the life you deserve. Please forward this information to all the women you care about.
20% of profits will go to domestic abuse charities.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Your Relationship Rights
This report comes from womenslaw.org. This is a very important list which points out your rights in a relationship. If, while reading this list, you discover your rights are being violated in your relationship please take the matter seriously and seek help if needed. Emotional abusers do not necessarily become physical abusers; however physical abusers do start as emotional abusers.
The right to good will from the other.
The right to emotional support.
The right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy.
The right to have your own view, even if your partner has a different view.
The right to have your feelings and experience acknowledged as real.
The right to receive a sincere apology for any jokes you may find offensive.
The right to clear and informative answers to questions that concern what is legitimately your business.
The right to live free from accusation and blame.
The right to live free from criticism and judgment.
The right to have your work and your interests spoken of with respect.
The right to encouragement.
The right to live free from emotional and physical threat.
The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage.
The right to be called by no name that devalues you.
The right to be respectfully asked rather than ordered.
The same 15 points apply not only to your romantic relationships, but relationships with friends and family as well. Save the list to reread whenever you need it or pass it on to friends or a daughter so they are never mistaken about what their rights are.
Remember, your life is your choice and there are amazing people out there waiting for you. If someone refuses to respect your relationship rights let them Hear your Heels! Walking away can be one of the most difficult things to do in life, and it may take a daily reminder to get the courage and keep being courageous, but think hard about the price of staying too.
Click here to purchase Hear my Heels bracelets and 20% of profits will go to domestic abuse charities.
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