Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right Now Part II

Now that you have your end goal of finding Mr. Right and have put on paper who he is, its time to put yourself in the position to find him. Just as we talked about in the beginning, you wouldn’t sit back and wait for Company XYZ to contact you if you wanted a new job, you would have to go look for the job. You can not sit at home and expect Mr. Right to magically call you as a wrong number and live happily ever after. If you want something you have to put yourself in the position to get it. Every time you put yourself out there you are increasing your odds of finding Mr. Right.

Now where are you going to look?

I swear I push dating sites like they actually pay me! I’ve dated through a few sites before and had a great experience. For me, I didn’t find my Mr. Right that way; I was actually set up through a friend of a friend. However, I had a lot of fun dates, it helped me narrow down even more what qualities I really needed and really didn’t want, and I think it helped calm my nerves on my first date with Mr. Right. By the time I found Mr. Right I had been on a lot of first dates, was comfortable with the first date, and definitely gave a better first impression than I think I normally would. I fit into the shy at first category, so being comfortable on an awkward first date setting was key!

I do have several friends who have long term relationships that have developed out of internet dating sites. It may or may not be the end of looking for you, but a healthy way to look at it is that its helping you narrow down your real “need” and “can’t stand” qualities while getting you more and more comfortable in a first date setting. Thinking that way will take the pressure off. Then if you meet him you meet him, and if not there are tons of other ways and places to look too. The important part is not getting discouraged by one bad date and being able to keep your goal in mind and continuing to go after it.

I feel the need to put in a disclaimer to please be smart when going on a date with someone you’ve never met. Only agree to meet in a public place and make sure you have a friend that knows where you are supposed to be.

Do something new with a new group of people. Sign up for salsa classes, go to a rock wall gym, join some group that interests you, etc. One of the biggest obstacles can be expanding your network of friends and therefore the friends of friends and guys available to you. I personally enjoy having a small group of close friends over a large group of not as close friends, but expanding your horizon never hurts. Think of some things that interest you and then go find a group that does it. If you’ve never visited the site MeetUp.com, check it out. It is a site dedicated to locals trying to find other locals that are interested in the same groups. If you run you can find a running group, if you like to practice speaking in another language or playing chess, you can probably find a group in your area for those things too. May it be something you already do on your own or something new you’d like to try, mix it up. Even if Mr. Right doesn’t happen to be in your new group, maybe you’ll meet a new friend that introduces you to him later.

This one, for me, is the hardest! Ever notice the smaller group you are with the more likely a guy is to approach? Put yourself in the guy’s shoes. Would you be more comfortable going up to a guy who is standing with 6 of his buddies or approaching a guy who is standing by himself? Yeah, me too, I don’t want the other 6 guys listening to me try to say something smart to the one I’ve got my eye on. The potential for embarrassment just increases with the number of people around him. If it’s something you are comfortable with – go by yourself. Go eat dinner at the bar area of a restaurant and bring a book or watch the game that’s playing, go rock wall climbing by yourself; I’m sure you can think of a lot of other situations where this could possibly work for you. The goal is to be approachable and the less friends you have surrounding you the more likely the guy that wants to come up to you will muster up the courage to approach.

Ok this last one, you may roll your eyes at me, but don’t shoot the messenger! I can be quite the nerd and, in working for myself, I end up reading a lot of marketing books. In Dan Ariely’s book called “Predictably Irrational” Dan describes how people’s decision making processes actually work.

First, let’s start with, what is the one thing that gets a guy to initially approach you? (Yes, we both know you are witty and fabulous, but he doesn’t know that yet.) Like it or not – it’s looks. Don’t get mad- it’s the same way you do your initial shopping! Now, why does he pick you instead of your friend next to you to approach? Right, he finds you more attractive. Based on the way humans make choices on these types of things, Dan found we can actually play with the decision making process.

Have you ever noticed when a group of guys walk into the room you quickly compare them all and decide which one is most attractive? We compare them by rating similar features and deciding which one is better. The more similar the features the easier we are able to compare and decide which one is better. Kind of like how it is easier to say one orange is better than another orange, but its hard to say if an orange is better than a stapler. They are two vastly different things which make it hard for us to compare them. Just like it’s hard to say if the hot blonde is more attractive than the hot brunette. They are both very attractive but just very different. HOWEVER if we have two blond women, about the same stature, similar builds, its easier to key in on features and make a decision on “which one is more attractive”. That was a long explanation just to say take one friend out with you that looks just like you but not quite as attractive. By being compared to someone that looks like you but not quite as attractive it actually makes you look MORE attractive. …I hope you’re laughing, because this was a real study, but it’s pretty funny how the human brain works! Oh, and you may not want to tell your girlfriend that’s why you wanted her to come.

Part III will be coming next week!

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