Dangling Band aids

I read a study once concerning if the "pull the band aid off in one quick swoop" really was the best method for controlling pain or not.  The study was conducted by a burn victim who often had to have most-of-body dressings changed which would rip at his skin.  The nurses were always convinced that pulling the bandages off as quickly as possible was the best way to manage over all pain, and duration of pain.  Its the band aid approach. 

We all know this approach to be true with a little band aid, but does it apply to all pain?  The study concluded that, no, the band aid approach was not universal.  When dealing with big pain, opposed to small band aid pain, ripping the dressing off very slowly was the best approach.  The over all pain felt was less with the slow removal for big pain.  The real reason the nurses stuck to their guns that the band aid approach was best was they couldn't take the emotional pain of ripping it off slow and hearing and seeing, for such a long duration, how much they were hurting the patient.

I was thinking about this study today as I was looking at emotional pain.  I just ended a four year relationship almost two weeks ago.  I did a lot of reading before I broke it off trying to gather insight on the best way to end it for the other person's sake.  What should you say, not say, how to help them get closure, etc.

It was the hardest, most painful, thing I have ever done.  Hurting someone like that is miserable even when you know it is best for you.  However, I followed all of the advice as best I could.  I had the tough conversation and didn't run away from it.  I had the second, even tougher, conversation with him the next day when it had absorbed a little more. 

Unfortunately our break up was not mutual.  Although I know for me my reasons are 100% valid and make an end to the relationship necessary, he did not and does not agree with any of my reasons.  It is very very hard because he keeps coming back trying to when me over, trying to understand more, not thinking my reasons are valid and we should work on it. 

As horrible as having to hurt him initially felt, I feel like I am still constantly ripping off a band aid on him day after day.  I've stated my reasons, I've written to him my reasons in detail, however as much as you want to make the other person understand, the reality is, they were in a different relationship reality.  They had a different experience, and no matter how my signals you gave that this train was approaching, they feel completely blind sided.

So I come to the point with my giant looming question.  As he writes day after day trying to make it work, as he doesn't pack up because he still thinks there's hope, is it better with emotional pain to rip off the band aid once or continue ripping it off slowly?

The "one rip band aid approach" to me was what I did and am trying to do.  I had the conversation in person twice.  He still didn't understand so I wrote the detailed email explaining what lead me to this point.  Now I feel like I have given him all the information I can possibly give him and the only other thing I could keep saying is "I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry.  I'm sorry." So I believe it's best to stop the communication.  I feel as if more communication is just ripping one more hair out of his arm as the band aid slowly rips.  If I respond...will he ever understand, even though he doesn't agree, that it is over?  I think it is meaner to respond at all which gives him some sort of hope that I'm still there.

The "slowly ripping the dressing approach" would be to continue communication for as long has he needs it.  Its hard to put the shoe on the other foot, however I can't imagine this slow ripping sensation helps him.  How many times can he stand hearing again and again "I'm sorry its over.  I'm sorry this is what is right for me."

Possibly I am choosing my approach based on my personal pain tolerance and not what is best for him.  I can't take punching him in the gut again and again.  It seems so cruel.  So what is worse?  Getting an almost silent treatment after you've given all the information and answers you have to give?  Or continuing to tell him all the reasons I don't want to be with him and keep pulling that band aid off one hair at a time?

I don't have any answers on this one...