30 and Single

30 and single...wow.  Had you asked me at 23 how I'd feel about 30 and single I would have freaked out.  I would have thought I was such a fuck up and wondered what the hell became wrong with me in my 20s that this happened.

Maybe it hasn't set in yet, however 30 and single doesn't feel as horrible as I imagined it in my head.  There's a big piece of me which feels empowered by it.  Because I know, for me, it means I haven't settled.   Saying 'no', making these decisions to go back out into the word on my own, feels brave instead of scary.

My 23 year old self can't imagine what a full life I have at single and 30.  I am amazingly grateful for wonderful, supportive, crutch-when-I-need-them, friends.  I'll have my own amazing house, a successful career, be comfortable my own skin and care very little what other people think about me.

I really expected to feel a real weight with single and 30.  Lost dreams of family and children, and the lifestyle I thought I always wanted.  I just don't feel that old though.  The burden I expected to feel doesn't exist.

So 23 year old me, and 23 year old you... Stop worrying about how your life will turn out.  You have absolutely zero control.  Stop wishing that relationship to work because you can't stand the thought of dating again.  Be bold, be single, be happy.

All I can tell you is whatever weight you expect to feel with not having found your ultimate life path at 30 doesn't exist.  You are as young as you feel and when you believe in yourself and your worth, no one can stop you.  So what you have to date again.  Maybe you haven't experienced this yet, but I promise you, single and 30 is a MUCH better feeling than 25 and settling.

You deserve the life you want.  Go after it and stop giving in to other people holding you back from greatness.