Table For One

I had a first today.  I was in a situation where I needed to eat lunch alone and it was going to be the sole restaurant or go hungry.  So I had lunch alone, and thoroughly enjoyed it.

The real phenomenon that you 20 somethings have to look forward to is how much more comfortable you are in your own skin at 30.  I don't often have a need to go eat alone, however when I've had to on occasion as a 20 something I remember feeling very awkward sitting alone.  Today I couldn't have cared less and actually enjoyed my lunch as I'm getting a rare day of solitude. 

I don't think you realize how much you change in your 20's until you hit the next decade.  It seems sometimes that when you graduate college and go off into the world you are supposed to just "know" and have everything figured out.  You made your mistakes in college, you learned a lot about yourself, and you do have a sense that you now know what you want and what is right for you.  What you don't realize is how much you are also going to screw up in your 20's, how much you will continue to learn about yourself, and what a different, much more confident person you will be at 30.

Let me use myself as an example to describe what I mean.... 

My 23 year old graduating college self: SHY, painfully shy unless I knew you.  I had no idea how to make small talk, start conversations with strangers, and those situations caused me a great amount of stress.  I didn't drink.  I had never had more than a sip or two of anything.  I wanted to get married right away and settle down.  I wasn't confident with men.  I didn't stand up for myself and have a sense of "screw you I don't need this shit".  I wasn't a leader in the work place.  Although I've always been confident with my intelligence I wasn't confident stating my opinion and arguing it.  I write all of this and see although I thought at the time I was an extremely confident woman, I wasn't.  I was a shy kid still trying to find my way and figure out the world.

My 30 year old self: I'm no longer shy.  Seven years of corporate positions where I speak, email, and present to people internationally, at least eight hours a day, has finally kicked it out of me.   Conversations with strangers don't bring me anxiety.  I can talk for hours to someone I barely know, assuming I have some interest in whatever they are saying.  I will only get married when the situation is dead on.  I had a harder time walking away at 23 than I do now at 30.  Sure there are stupid biological clocks going off, but I know myself and what I want and need.  If I don't see it in front of me I'm able to make the tough decision to walk.  I greatly enjoy a glass of wine at night.  I stand up for myself.  May it be the cable guy, a man, or someone at work, I trust my options, my intelligence, and stand for what I want.  I'm not worried about other people liking me.  I like me, if they don't, there are others who will.  I feel comfortable with the history and tools at my disposal to make the right life decisions.  I can sit at a table for one and just enjoy the view.

My advice to the 20 somethings is to use your time to explore the world around you.  I don't mean quit your job and travel the world in la la land.  I mean take the job you're scared you aren't qualified for.  Don't be afraid to try on a lot of first dates which don't go anywhere and figure out if what you think you need is actually what you like.  Try starting a business and fail brilliantly.  Try another one and enjoy the ride and knowledge even if it fails too.  This is the last point in life without sevear consequences.  You can take the wrong job and still get a career back on track.  You can try a different type of relationship on, decide you don't like it, and still have plenty of time to find someone.  You can go broke trying to start a company and still recover without others depending on you. 

Learn that feeling awkward can be the positive feeling of trying something new.  Enjoy awkward knowing it won't always be.  Take chances, not dangerous ones, but so so so many chances.

One day you will wake up at 30 and be so happy with how well you know yourself, like yourself, be so confident in the skills you have, and comfortable with the things you aren't so good at.  One day you'll wake up and realize  you're sitting at a table for one, and are enjoying the hell out of it.